A Letter of Appreciation to Busy Parents

It is my singular honour and privilege to convey the profound gratitude of the government to those busy parents who are the engine room of our economy. They are the awesome folks who deserve all the credit for the massive, consistent rise of our GDP over the years.

You may not have realized it, but the fact of your very busy schedules is the critical factor responsible for the GDP growth rate we are experiencing lately.

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For a start, a huge shout out to all those super – mums who make the priceless sacrifice of returning to work just 2 weeks after delivering a baby. We have immense appreciation for your refusal to slow down your career, and the economy by staying home for months just to look after the new born. Rest assured that this huge sacrifice isn’t going unnoticed and the rewards are certain.

In case you don’t realize how this grows GDP, just think about how many jobs you help to generate by creating opportunities for makers and sellers of baby formula; owners of crèches, independent care givers (please note that calling them house girls is rather primitive); and technology companies that develop products that help you monitor your new bundle of joy from anywhere in the world – online, real time.

We assure you that no sacrifice is too great to achieve the strategic objective of making our board rooms more gender balanced. Clearly, if we are to achieve this goal, the wasteful idea of long maternity leaves simply has to be eradicated.

We of course acknowledge our men who have always kept work where it belongs: right there at the top of the list of priorities. You have been a bulwark of our economy. The fact that you set out before sunrise and don’t return until after sunset is a huge boost for productivity.

We are certainly not unaware of the sacrifice your routine entails, but thankfully, the innovation that you unleash in the economy is filling the gap most admirably, not to mention profitably.

For example, where both parents are busy at work, after-school comes to the rescue. This means jobs. Are they unable to supervise home work, or provide training, and mentoring to the children? No problem, we now have life coaches, life strategists and life catalysts to fill that gap as we ‘catch them young’. This means more jobs. When the kids leave home and get married, some problems may arise, but thats not a problem, as there are therapists to handle such. Again, those are jobs. If unfortunately,  those problems prove irreconcilable, there are divorce lawyers to make sure the separation, and sharing of property is neatly done. Jobs, jobs, and more jobs.

While the lifestyle choices you make have contributed in no small way to creating this new multi billion  dollar outsourcing economy, we are ever so gratified that it is but a tip of the iceberg of the Contribution you make to fuelling GDP growth.

The fact that you are unavoidably absent from home for instance means that you have to fill in the time for kids by providing enough distractions. By this, you provide the invaluable stimulation for the electronics and telecommunications sector of the economy; what with the large number games and gadgets that you purchase from manufacturers and retailers.

All of this is good for the economy. All those jobs are generated as a direct consequence of the selfless sacrifices made by busy parents.

What’s even more gratifying about the support you give to our work is that, the sort of GDP growth you are fuelling is completely sustainable. Our forecasts indicate that over the foreseeable future, we will continue to enjoy this growth in GDP.

This belief is based on emerging trends we are seeing. For instance, we are seeing that when one generation of hard working parents grow too old to directly add value, even their old age can be exploited to create even more jobs. This is because, instead of their children who have now also entered the productive season of their life to be bogged down with looking after their ageing parents, they simply ship them into care homes. This of course creates even more jobs.

In essence, it’s a value chain that stretches and vanishes into the distant horizon. Our prospects have never looked so bright.

This is why we write to acknowledge your invaluable contribution to the growth of GDP – Grossly Damaged People, and to encourage you not to relent in your dogged efforts. We offer the firmest assurances that your rewards are certain.

Yours sincerely,

I. M. Mammon
Honourable Min. of Economic Affairs

NB.
This letter is addressed to Whom It May Concern

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